This is a germ’s world, y’all. (I sang that in my best James Brown voice to the tune of “It’s a Man’s World,” mind you.) I had a college microbiology lab that once sent us out as researchers on campus, armed with “germ swabs” (Q-tips and test tubes to swipe over surfaces) to swab whatever we wanted and take it back to the lab to see what grew. The goal was to find “the germiest thing in public.” As you can imagine, we all had a field day, swabbing toilet seats, door handles, stair rails, etc. Anything we imagined was touched by as many people as possible during a regular day. After a fun collection day, bouncing around campus, us nerds gathered back at the nerd den (lab) and nerdily set forth nerding out. Y’all – what grew out, and from where, was eye-opening!
First off, let me address the dirty elephant in the room: Yes. Exposure to germs is a good thing. Our immune system requires us encountering germs to be strong. So don’t come at me with that nonsense. My generation LIKES the taste of hose water. Heck, I asked a waitress the other day if they had a “hose out back” when she asked me about a refill. So, yes. I know we don’t ever need to be “germ-free” or natural selection would ‘Fast Pass’ our orientation with Jesus, quick-like. This piece is simply written to inform you of the things in public you should probably wash your hands after coming into contact with versus things you can probably turn the alarm down on.
Our results showed many things as germy as you imagined. Door handles and stairway rails, of course. Water fountains and every surface of a public bathroom was every bit the adventure you’d think. But there was a clear and dominant number one that none of us saw coming. Elevator buttons. Yeah. What? Elevator buttons were NASTY. Germier than public toilet seats, bathroom floors and water fountain drains combined! Like the budding scientists we were, we set forth to explain our findings. And our working theory was fairly simple. What do all those things like toilet seats and slick restroom counters have in common? They are all on someone’s schedule to be cleaned! Part of a good custodial business daily schedule is to clean that bathroom. Who’s cleaning the elevator buttons? Like…ever? Now listen, I’m not targeting the elevators in your life, this was simply our campus at that moment in young Dr. Kirk’s life. But what it taught me is a simple germ truth that I share with you today. As you bee-bop thru God’s world wondering what you should be wary of and what you should wash your hands after touching, simply think this: Do a lot of people touch that? Is that on ANYONE’S cleaning schedule? Ever? Gas pump? The touchscreen on that self-checkout? The fun pegboard game at your favorite restaurant while you wait on your pancakes? Or should you just eat your pancakes on a toilet seat? May be cleaner. Pass the syrup.
Yours in Health and Christ, Dr. Kirk
