There are some blind spots in my memories of College Kirk. Some due to old age, some due to limited hard drive space compared to the great times Athens, GA offered. Others may be a result of being a silly youth, howling at the moon, like pups do. But one glaring omission is a gross one: I can’t recall washing my bed sheets. Like ever. Quit with the name-calling; I know I DID at some point, but, man, those sessions must’ve been few and far between.
Amongst the many unhealthy things that can take a young man out, this issue needs to be addressed. Just what DOES the actual medical literature have to say about washing one’s sheets? This older (wiser?) Dr. Kirk is here to state the facts.
First, we should say that “hygiene” is subjective. Meaning, this can vary from culture to culture and we ain’t aiming to step on anyone’s toes here. Unless your toes are crusted in crunchy fungus, then I may stomp it with a Rx-strength boot; but such is my right as a doctor. Moreover, access to laundering is a luxury, remember. So, we can’t be judgmental on someone not having ready access to the ability to wash sheets; we have to take what God gives us. Heck, College Kirk had a washing machine/dryer in the basement of the Fraternity house, and I’m pretty sure it was haunted. Or had raccoons in it. Same difference.
Dermatologists have a say in this matter. Our bed sheets collect bacteria, oils, allergen particles of all sorts and your dead skin cells. Dead skin cells then begat dust mites. Not the most sanitary sanctuary for snuggly slumber, sure. Dirty sheets can lead to illnesses. Dermatologists at the Cleveland Clinic recommend washing one’s sheets once every 1-2 weeks. (College Kirk – swing and a miss.) Pillows and comforters can wait for once a month, but the direct contact sheets need a little more love. Now mind you, this is a general AVERAGE guideline for normal folk. Some of y’all ain’t that. What else can adjust your timeline? Do you sweat more than usual folk? Are you an excessively hairy person? Do you sleep with fur babies? Use your imagination here. I won’t go into the goings-on of one’s bedroom habits -just look at yourself in the mirror and if you are looking back at you going “Girl, ‘you nasty,’ maybe tighten up that laundry schedule.”
I will give you a neat tip, that’s gonna make my wife mad. Derm also suggests NOT immediately making one’s bed when you wake! Allowing your bed to “air out” reduces the moisture retention that dust mites and bacteria thrive in. So, maybe leave it open, go get showered, shaved and shiny and THEN make your bed. Whatever doesn’t get you fussed at (or grounded, young cats). Anyway, I hope this helps. Tell your college kiddos that if you’re gonna howl at the moon, remember that wolf men shed. Wash them sheets, nasty.
Yours in Health and Christ, Dr. Kirk
